An exhaustive investigation into Mark Zuckerberg’s naughty shelves

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There is an endless number of posts we could write on Facebook, sorry, Meta performance at its Connect event.

It was all a shipwreck. It’s a situation where I feel stuck between laughter (“man, Zuckerberg really has no self-awareness”) and abject horror (“he really wants to control the future of the internet”).

But I cannot allow my journalistic powers to be weighed down by such concerns. I have a job, no, a Public Service to do. And I have to do it.

So please join me in an investigation of Mark Zuckerberg’s shelves.

The smoking gun

About one minute and 45 seconds in the Facebook Connect presentation, the Zuck speaks in front of this wall:

PART A

During the video, we are faced with one of two hypotheses about Zuckerberg’s location. Either he is in his current house, or in a setting modeled to resemble him.

The difference between the two is less important than you might think. These are backgrounds that have clearly received a lot of attention.

For example, take a look at this shot, where Zuck calmly walks past a surfboard:

Surfboard Meta Zuckerberg
APPENDIX B

This would never happen in a regular home – just think about the sand and water damage caused by storing a surfboard there. Instead, it’s a knowing nod.

The inclusion of the surfboard is a reference to that of Zuckerberg infamous sunscreen image and his frightening July 4th response.

Facebook / Meta obviously wanted to become meta in Connect – which is one of the most disgusting phrases I’ve ever had to write.

I’m talking about it for a reason though: The poster wall Zuckerberg speaks in front of at the start of the presentation is no accident. It is not a collection of random items. This was specially created to send a message.

Our goal in this survey is to focus on what this message is – and who it is for.

Point # 1: The Sweet Baby Ray BBQ Sauce Bottle

Mark zuckerberg wall facebook connect sweet baby ray's barbecue sauce
APPENDIX C

It is the least interesting of the decorations.

Social media has already been mad with frenzy about it – this is precisely what Facebook / Meta wanted to happen.

If you’re not into SEO, years ago Zuckerberg posted a scary video where he repeated the words “smoke” and “meat” more times than any sane person would or should.

During that same feed, he opened up about his love for Sweet Baby Ray’s barbecue sauce – which is why it appears here.

It’s public relations time for Zuckerberg to try and make it clear that he’s in the game, that he can laugh at himself, and that he doesn’t consume the flesh of other humans to fuel his robotic power cells.

Point # 2: A photo of your dog

mark zuckerberg wall facebook connect dog
APPENDIX D

This image of Zuckerberg’s dog (a Puli named Beast, we can ignore the Freudian implications of that name here) is designed to humanize Zuckerberg.

There are many studies that link dog ownership to responsibility and attractiveness. The message here is “trust this man who could afford to euthanize every dog ​​on the planet, but somehow chooses not to.”

Point n ° 3: Anyway

mark zuckerberg wall facebook connect bunny thing
APPENDIX E

It’s a… huh?

LET’S GET THE TEAM TO THE LAB TO IMPROVE THIS IMAGE:

mark zuckerberg wall facebook connect bunny thing close
PART F

This is where things get interesting. Let’s take a tour of what we know about this set, this video, and Facebook / Meta in general.

Like any detective worthy of his ash-stained trench coat, I must begin to look past the obvious and find the subtext.

What we have here is what appears to be a horrific model of a decapitated rabbit head in front of a photo of Zuckberg and Priscilla Chan, his wife. You can interpret this as representing the family – as the animal sculpture is most likely made by a child – but that is the surface level.

Here, a Facebook / Meta employee warns us that everything wedding between us and Zuckerberg will result in something horrible and unnatural. That we should be repelled.

Point n ° 4: The painting

mark zuckerberg wall facebook connect painting
APPENDIX G

It is assumed that this is a child’s painting. If so… why here? Why framed?

There is a certain uneasiness that rises from my guts when I think about what it says about a person framing and displaying their child’s doodles, rather than just sticking them on the fridge.

He is someone who believes in the power of his genetics, who believes himself to be exceptional. It’s supposed to be cute, but the subtext is terrifying.

And let’s actually look at it. Is it an onion ring on spinach leaves? Poop in the woods? Or are the childish features and simple color management supposed to imply that this is how Zuckerberg appears to us? Simple and simple, in primary colors, all without revealing what its real message is.

Point # 5: Books

mark zuckerberg wall facebook connect books
ROOM H

None of these books are real. These are the kind of fake headlines that populate IKEA showrooms.

You could say it’s just made for the vibe – but let’s not forget how deliberate that background was. Combine this with Zuckerberg’s 2015 resolution read 25 books in a year, and not including truly readable titles was intentional by the dressers.

It would have been easy for The Zuck to bring in some of his favorite novels. So what are these empty, wordless books trying to tell us?

Easy: Zuck’s idea for the Metaverse is all about the show, and if you scratch underneath all you’ll find is an unbearable horror of the void.



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