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Have you been cheated on by a vulnerable adult surfer lately?

A radiant morning, the swell pulsing a little from the south, enough to give a shot of foam crisps to climb to a weak wrap and a little milk left on the pacifier spray a learner on the shoulder.

A left enters, takes off, hears wild cries of “Hey!” Hey! Hey! “

Look over my right shoulder and a man in his forties is still lying in the bottom of the wave, both hands on the deck while dragging his legs under him like a miserable beggar infected with polio.

“Hey! Hey! Hey!”

Obviously, I continue but my balance is upset by the event.

At what point in the adult surfer’s learning journey can a VAL start calling other surfers out of the waves?

When does a new surfer feel that they have acquired the right to appropriate a wave?

I live by a fairly simple rule. If somebody’s surfing better than me, yeah, I know, most of them, unless they’re too willing to ignore it, I won’t say anything.

I’m going to take the cuckold, watch the male stroke the wave uterus door as he flies down the line, and get out of there.

I still consider it a great honor to ride behind a CT level surfer, some of my happiest times watching Joel Parkinson soar down the line, turning where I would crouch for the tube; Andy Irons takes off like a Navy plane out of his slingshot.

I found it really strange a few months ago when a Lowers Destroyer lost his mind to shoulder-jumping title contender Filipe Toledo. What greater pleasure could there be than offering a front row seat to the world’s best two-footer surfer?

Let’s enter the The VALS state of mind.

They come into the game as more enlightened souls than anyone who learned to surf before COVID and the VALpocalypse.

The VAL believes in equality of results regardless of the skill level of the rider; the pre-VAL era surfer still lives in an outdated world of meritocracies, the more you get better, the more waves you ride.

The VAL, unable to identify the difference between a wave missing the shore or hitting it at the wrong angle, believes that waves are an infinite resource and that all waves are the same.

Pre-VAL knows there are diamonds among the rocks and he won’t scream and scratch for duds. But this…a… That’s good, he’s going to scratch for that.

The VAL, therefore, screams, howls and barks years before it is legally allowed to do so.

Or am I wrong and this is the new way?

Ergo, what would Jonas do?

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